Building Blocks:
This teacher did a really great job of outlining why these materials are important to her classroom. She explained the importance of having building blocks and other building toys in her kindergarten classroom. She goes through each explaining how they will be used in her classroom. They help her students learn all sorts of different skills all at once; science, math, fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, creative thinking, problem solving and engineering. This helps the reader understand how vital these materials are to her students. She also included photos of her students using the toys in her classroom, this is important so that the donor knows that these materials will actually be used and not set on a shelf. She also explained the high poverty rate of most of her students, that all of them do not have the resources at home to learn these things, and many of them come to kindergarten already behind in many subjects. Knowing that it is going to students who are very needy will help the donor understand the need in this classroom and community and be more willing to help out.
I would not change much from this Donors Choose project, I would, however, try to make it more personal. In my opinion, the more feelings you can evoke from the donor reading your mission, the more money they will donate. This mission has only $49 left until it reaches it’s $647 goal, so obviously, enough people felt compelled enough to donate.
Ceramic Monsters:
This teacher did a good job of helping the reader understand the demographics of her school; very poor, most of her students being a minority (?) race, and mainly students with exceptionalities. I would, however, change the language around explaining that. Her language portrays these inevitable setbacks as disabilities. While some may be, being a minority or poor does not make you less capable of doing art. While it may be more challenging than having a classroom full of higher class caucasian students who have been bred for succeeding in school, having different types of students in your classroom can be a valuable asset, especially in an art classroom. Different cultures may create different kinds of art and how they express that art. I was a bit frustrated when I was reading this article. I do not think she meant harm by her words, but they can be portrayed in a way that might put off a donor from donating. She also did not explain in great detail what her class will be doing with all of the different materials. There was a small paragraph at the end explaining what the project is. As a donor, I want to fully know what my money is going towards. She had a great title that caught my eye however, “Ahh!! Ceramic Monsters!!!”
Raincoats for students:
This title caught my eye at first glance and hooked me in, “Splish, Splash, we are covered at last!” This teacher explained that her students come from very impoverished inner-city communities, many of her students being raised by grandparents, older siblings, or single parents. This establishes the reader with an understanding of the need in this classroom being very high. She asks the donors for raincoats, umbrellas, and socks for her students when they experience the torrid rainfall in Florida. She explained that many of them experience this rain on their way to school and either have to change once they get here, or sit cold and wet in her classroom. She also asked for socks so her student’s are not embarrassed when they take their shoes off to count their toes and they have holes in their socks.The one thing I would change about this, the teacher is very specific about getting gendered raincoats and umbrellas. Pink with ruffles for girls and fire engine red for boys. I would think that getting gender neutral colors and patterns would be sufficient enough. Especially when I think of myself in kindergarten, a self proclaimed tom boy who wanted to be just like her older brothers. I would not have been caught dead wearing a pink ruffled raincoat.
5 tips that I learned from these critiques:
This teacher did a really great job of outlining why these materials are important to her classroom. She explained the importance of having building blocks and other building toys in her kindergarten classroom. She goes through each explaining how they will be used in her classroom. They help her students learn all sorts of different skills all at once; science, math, fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, creative thinking, problem solving and engineering. This helps the reader understand how vital these materials are to her students. She also included photos of her students using the toys in her classroom, this is important so that the donor knows that these materials will actually be used and not set on a shelf. She also explained the high poverty rate of most of her students, that all of them do not have the resources at home to learn these things, and many of them come to kindergarten already behind in many subjects. Knowing that it is going to students who are very needy will help the donor understand the need in this classroom and community and be more willing to help out.
I would not change much from this Donors Choose project, I would, however, try to make it more personal. In my opinion, the more feelings you can evoke from the donor reading your mission, the more money they will donate. This mission has only $49 left until it reaches it’s $647 goal, so obviously, enough people felt compelled enough to donate.
Ceramic Monsters:
This teacher did a good job of helping the reader understand the demographics of her school; very poor, most of her students being a minority (?) race, and mainly students with exceptionalities. I would, however, change the language around explaining that. Her language portrays these inevitable setbacks as disabilities. While some may be, being a minority or poor does not make you less capable of doing art. While it may be more challenging than having a classroom full of higher class caucasian students who have been bred for succeeding in school, having different types of students in your classroom can be a valuable asset, especially in an art classroom. Different cultures may create different kinds of art and how they express that art. I was a bit frustrated when I was reading this article. I do not think she meant harm by her words, but they can be portrayed in a way that might put off a donor from donating. She also did not explain in great detail what her class will be doing with all of the different materials. There was a small paragraph at the end explaining what the project is. As a donor, I want to fully know what my money is going towards. She had a great title that caught my eye however, “Ahh!! Ceramic Monsters!!!”
Raincoats for students:
This title caught my eye at first glance and hooked me in, “Splish, Splash, we are covered at last!” This teacher explained that her students come from very impoverished inner-city communities, many of her students being raised by grandparents, older siblings, or single parents. This establishes the reader with an understanding of the need in this classroom being very high. She asks the donors for raincoats, umbrellas, and socks for her students when they experience the torrid rainfall in Florida. She explained that many of them experience this rain on their way to school and either have to change once they get here, or sit cold and wet in her classroom. She also asked for socks so her student’s are not embarrassed when they take their shoes off to count their toes and they have holes in their socks.The one thing I would change about this, the teacher is very specific about getting gendered raincoats and umbrellas. Pink with ruffles for girls and fire engine red for boys. I would think that getting gender neutral colors and patterns would be sufficient enough. Especially when I think of myself in kindergarten, a self proclaimed tom boy who wanted to be just like her older brothers. I would not have been caught dead wearing a pink ruffled raincoat.
5 tips that I learned from these critiques:
- Word your mission statement carefully, you do not want for it to seem like you are discounting your students because of their lack of money.
- Show and tell exactly what you will be doing with the materials.
- Provoke a sense of emotion from your reader so they will be more compelled to donate.
- Clever title names can hook a reader from the search page, this is vital to getting your goal funded.
- Explaining the importance of each material is also very important in relaying to the donors why you need these materials in your classroom.